"It's a long slow slide"

I'm worried about my dad. He passed out today at church. He didn't eat breakfast either, which is really weird. (He's diabetic.) I don't understand what's going on. Please pray for him.

I've been having HORRENDOUS nightmares recently, involving finals. I woke up around 5:30 Saturday morning thinking I was late for school. I did the same thing around 6:30 this morning. Not ok. And I've been dreaming that I'm missing all of my exams, or that I'm going to the wrong ones on the wrong days. I'll be glad when all this mess is over with.

I get to go to work for the first time tomorrow. I'm kinda excited.

I miss Michael too. I haven't seen him since...Wednesday. i won't get to see him until Thursday. This is crazy.

I also need to find someone to do my hair for Kat's wedding. This is turning out to be a difficult task considering that everyone and their mom seems to be graduating from college that day.

OH! and I was talking to my mom, and she told me that for my college grad invitations that I can have pictures made (kinda like high school senior pics, but cooler) to put in my invites!!!! I told her I had to have them Ag related...and i think I'm gonna have them made with COWS! SO freaking cool!

Ok, that's enough. Have a great DAY!

Can't win for losing

*UPDATE!




So, I think I have a job...

I applied today at Java Joe's (a little coffee shop/eatery in town), and got an interview right away. It was pretty exciting, and it pays $7.50/hr. Not too shabby. It's the most i've ever gotten paid per hour in my life.

So I called and told my dad (he was expecting me to apply at TSC, more about that later.) and he wasn't happy when I told him where I had potentially gotten a job. He wanted me to work at TSC cause of my ag major.

Well, after I got off of the phone (and being very downtrodden because i've been harped on so much for needing to get a job) I went to TSC to apply. They weren't friendly at all, and they weren't hiring. But I submitted my app. anyway.

My dad thinks that because I have an almost completed college education, that I should be getting a job in my field...which, let's be honest, isn't all that easy.

So Dad isn't happy when I don't have a job, and he isn't happy with the one i potentially have.

I just can win for losing.

I just want someone to be proud of me that I went in a place, requested an application, and immediatly got an interview, and an almost immediate "yes" that I got the job.

Time to go back to studying.

*I got the job!!!!

The oozing of my brain

Ugh I hate finals. I've been studying all day. I'm tired of studying. I want to sit around witha chai latte, writing in my journal, and reading books. I really think that I've forgotten how to do things that aren't school related.

i've GOT to find a job this summer. That greatly stresses me.

It was stroming and raining last night. it was great! i wish it was doing it again now.

Ok, so that's all right now.

Relief

So I got to talk to my ex today. It was a very nice conversation, and I am so relieved that we are now friends, and there are no longer negative feelings and the such.

This makes me incredibly happy!

Another thing that makes me happy is that I have all of my graduation forms turned in! Yep, the upper-division form, intent to graduate form, and my substitutions forms are all turned in!! Not having all this done has been bothering me since I began at MTSU.

I've got a test tomorrow, and I've been studying for it, but I'm tired of studying. I don't think that it's going to be as hard as I'm thinking it is. I always over stress about tests.

I found out I got a C in my Micro Comp class...I can either keep that grade, or take the final, and try to raise it...of course if I don't raise it, then my grade goes down. The entire test is on Excel, and I'm aweful at Excel...so i may just keep my C.

I'm not sure if I've already said this or not in a previous post, but I've got to find a summer job, and i'm considering working at TSC (Tractor Supply Co.). I'm just glad I'm not taking summer classes.

So I guess that's it for now. This week is my last full week of classes!!!! So exciting! Now I just have to watch out for finals!

Taken Aback

So, like everyone else, I'm going to post about the Virginia Tech devestation.

It's so aweful what happened. I really hurt for all of the families that were affected. I wish I could throw my arms around them and hug them and let them cry on me.

I wish this had never happened. I wish the killer would have gotten help. I hurt for the killer's family as well. I can only imagine the ridicule they are enduring.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Groggy

I've got a lot weighing on my mind lately. I'm scared to death that I'm not going to get decent grades in my classes and I'll have to be here another semester. I found out friday that instead of graduating in May 08, like I had been originally told, I'll be graduating this December! Crazy.

I'm feeling burnt out on church...this bothers me. I've just been through so much recently that I don't want to risk being put through all the crap again. I really wish I felt different about it.

I've gotta find out what I really want to do career-wise...and SOON. I mean, I'm graduating in December...I need a big girl job with a big girl paycheck so I can pay off my loans...ugh. I prefer not to work in retail my whole life, and do SOMETHING that involves my major...It can't be that hard to find something to do with Agriculture Communications....Right?

Just realized I started the first 3 paragraphs with "I." Ack.

Hopefully my tax return will be here soon...I've got to buy some gifts for my friend's wedding...always a good thing for a bridesmaid to do.

It just feels like I don't have anything in my life together. I feel kinda disconnected. I just don't want reality to come and bite me in the butt.

Whats going on with me? Riley Armstrong (or was it Matthew West....I'm not sure) put it well when he sang "It's like you're reaching for the sun, but you're landing in the shade."

This has all got to come together eventually...right?

There's Beauty in the Breaking

Or at least that's what I'm told.

We just got "The Call" from New Middleton telling us whether or not we were voted in....well, we weren't.

This really hurts. I was really looking foward to going to this church, there were such great people, and I was really feeling at peace about going there. So here I go back to my feeling of not liking church.

This is really going to depress my dad. He was looking foward to being at that church, and he was looking foward to have a paying job again too, but I can just look at him and see how dissappointed and sad he is. I hate this.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to feel. Right now I feel a little numb, hurt, upset...

I hate this.

Grouchiness

I'm really kinda frustrated. I've got a lot going on, and I feel really crappy about it.

1. Considering I'm on the Ag. Council, AND an officer, Ikinda really need to be at the Ag. Banquet...Well aparently, the last day to get a ticket was Friday...Yeah, I didn't know that. So i'm going to have to do something to make sure that I can get into the banquet.
2. I'm taking an online class, and the past 2 assignments I didn't get turned in...and I didn't get the one that was due on Friday either...this is not ok....
3. I've got ANOTHER macro test Wednesday....I just had one last week!
4. Got a Food Processing test Monday, and a plant science and agribusniness test coming up as well....Wanting to crawl in a hole about now.

So that's about it. i feel better now.

I laugh in the face of studying!

Ok, so not really. I'm supposed to be finishing my PR study guide, and studying it, but I'm tired, and I think I'll just go to bed instead.

My dad told me something interesting today.

Apparently he had been in the garage looking for some of his hunting things, and when he went back inside the house, he apparently left the door open a bit on accident. Well, Ellie decided to go and investigate. Dad finally noticed he had left the door open...and didn't see the cat. So he got the treats and went all over the house looking for her, and couldn't find her. He went into the garage, and she bolted into the house! The scary part...he had left the outside garage door open...she's declawed in the front, and it's so scary that she could have been gone...completely.

We only got her in October, so we haven't been totally sure whether or not she considered living with us "home" or not. But apparently she does! It makes me so happy that she loves us and accepts us now. You have no clue how much I love this cat, and I don't know what I would have done if she would have left.

And let me tell you, Dad would have been in MAJOR trouble if the cat had dissappeared!

So that's the interestingness of today. Off to bed!

Calm in the Fury

Yay! It's storming right now. i love to listen to the thunder and watch the lightening.

So onto other things.

I was driving home from class today, and everyday on my way home I drive by the Veteran's Hospital. Today, however, it got me to thinking.

All of the Veterans out there have done an incredible thing for all of us. They put their lives on the line to protect us and our freedom. In my opinion, they deserve the best we can give them, and better. Most of them didn't have to do what they did, and therefore we should repay them greatly.

I'm utterly ashamed at how horrid the conditions are becoming in the Veteran's hospitals, and how much we don't provide for them.

I've known of soldiers losing their current employment because they were in the service. This is sooo WRONG!

They deserve hotel-esque suites in the hospitals they have to visit, the utmost psychological care from the TOP psychologists, ALL of their healthcare taken care of for free to them, and retirement on top of everything else.

These men and women do the unimaginable for us...all of us, no matter who we are. They fight for the greatful, the ungreatful, the mean, the nice, the good, the evil...EVERYONE. They sometimes go through the unimaginable medical and psychological ordeals, and all our government does is give them the bare minimum.

This is just something that really bothers me.

My dad is a veteran, I have friends that are currently in the service, and there are so many that have given their lives.

I want to say thank you to all of the soldiers and veterans out there who keep us safe and defend our freedom.

Ya'll rock.

Peace

Wow, things are going amazing right now in my spiritual life.

My dad gets voted on at New Middleton Baptist next Sunday (Easter). This is very exciting. I've set foot in that church twice thus far, and I have fallen completely and utterly in love with this church and the people in it. It's an incredible answer to prayers. I really hope we get called there.

I've been looking over some of my previous posts on here, and I didn't realize how bitter and hurt I had been from the last church. It was pretty bad.

However, this new church is like a breath of fresh air. There is even someone there my age!!!! So exciting :)

I really feel God in that church, and it's been so long since I could say that about a church. I feel so much closer to Him now then I have in over a year.

He's so good to me...much more than I deserve.

Praise God for this new beginning!

Hello again

I suppose I should start using this blog again. i really like it, and it kinda makes me feel a little more grown up than Xanga does.

There are a lot of things on my mind right now that I want to write about, but since it's midnight, and I have classes EARLY in the morning, i should probably go to bed.

I'm really REALLY happy right now for the first time in a long time, concerning church :)