It's been a while

So, I haven't written in here in a while, but I finally came up with something kinda worthwhile to write about on here.

So the parentals and I joined a new church this morning. LaGuardo Baptist Church.

I've been asked how I feel about joining there, and to be honest, I don't have any feelings toward it. I figure it can't be any worse than our last church, but I am quite skeptical of them.

Everyone that came up to greet us today when we joined was very nice and personable, and yes, I was even recruited into the choir, and I'm singing in the contata next sunday, but why should I believe that they are any different than the last church people?

I'll be honest, I was ashamed to tell people I was a member at our last church...especially after we left. I'm relieved not to be on our last church's roster anymore. But upon leaving the last church, I've become even more aware of how decietful and malicious the people there were. I'm so dissappointed in some of those people. i really do feel bad for them, and all the non-Christians that come in contact with them. I'm so glad that I wasn't un-saved coming into that church. if I had been, I can guarantee that not only would I have refused to become a Christian, but the idea of just going to a church would have completely been forgotton.

I was thinking earlier today, and when I die, I know I'm going to Heaven. Clearly, I'll be in Heaven for eternity. If those people that I had to suffer being with at that church are truly Christians (and to be honest, i don't see how they could be acting the way they do) I don't want to have to spend eternity with them. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If that's wrong for me to think...oh well. I'm human. I think. It happens. But fortunatly I love Jesus more, and I'm willing to go to Heaven to be with Him.

I've just become so completely turned off from church. i have no desire what so ever to go. I don't ever want to have to go through all the things I had to endure again.

It's strange at our new church because everyone there shakes my hand and talks to me. I'm not ignored or skirted around. Tonight at choir practice, people thanked me for coming to sing with them, and told me i did a great job...even though they probably couldn't hear me. But still. That meant sooo much to me.

i just want a church family. one that is happy to see me, doesn't ignore me, and loves Jesus more than themselves...and doesn't have completely selfish motives...and wants to grow the church for God...not keep it the same size with the same people so they can have a power trip.

I hope I'm happy about church again. i hope I enjoy it again. I hope that one day, I stop despising church. But be honest, you can't blame me. Puberty was a walk in the park compared to the hell i went through in that church.

But at least now, at this church, I can invite people, and not feel ashamed. I don't have to worry about them being ignored. I know, at this church, they will see and feel Jesus there. You don't know how much of a relief that is.

Please pray for me. i'm so spiritually deprived and parched. I need a core group of Christians my age and a little older to help and support me. I never had a youth group, and I've never had a college and career group. Something is wrong with this picture. But hopefully things are turning around for me now.

Wow, this was longer than I thought it was going to be.